Chaos and normality

When things are not feeling too good inside us and everything around us appears to be falling apart, it is natural to wish for things to get back to normal.

Achieving normality sometimes requires a counter-intuitive response. To have things return to ‘normal,’ we must first tussle and come to terms with what feels chaotic. When internal and external chaos can be seen as the natural state and ‘normality’ is viewed as transient, the sediments of chaos ‘settle’ sooner than otherwise.

Psychotherapy helps us function in adaptive and productive ways rather than feeling stuck and overwhelmed by chaos. The process of psychotherapy extends our parameters of normality – we gain more room and are able to grow our emotional capacity to accommodate chaos.

To make an appointment, contact us.

Creative Disorganisation

I remember, a few years ago, talking to my therapist about the frustration of not being able to find something when I needed it.

I had been a keen organiser (there was a place for everything and most things were in its place) and took pleasure in being meticulous. My affection for these traits added to the frustration when I couldn’t find something I needed. Life was now under the influence of other external factors. I no longer had the luxury of being a sole contributor to my environment.

After months, if not a year, of on-and-off therapeutic attention upon this much-ingrained thinking, I was beginning to appreciate the creativity veiled under disorganisation.

Woah! What a relief that was.

It was, as if, something inside me had loosened up and was free to move. I hadn’t given up on organisation, rather the lens was wider. The focus was no longer on everything remaining in a box. I was choosing to look beyond what was familiar, and I found beauty within the disorganised. There was now more room – the picture below describes the new perspective. I roughly call this ‘creative disorganisation.’


I remembered this key therapeutic process as I was reading Mark Manson’s article on ‘the subtle art of not giving a fuck.’

Although absolute spaciousness (i.e., not giving a fuck) sounds liberating, boundaries and limits hold us and offer the comfort of security – particularly when other parts of our life become (inevitably) chaotic.

There is a fine line between structure and openness – walking this line is not a skill to master but an art to practice. Thank you Mark for your stimulating thoughts, I value them for what they generated in me.



Men and ‘psychological femininity’

From a traditional western viewpoint, ‘psychological femininity’ could be misinterpreted as becoming more feminine. Psychological femininity as a concept is way ahead of such primitive misunderstanding.

Psychological femininity is an underlying reserve of vitality which, when harnessed, unlocks creativity and opens us to experiencing joy.

Psychological femininity relates to our ability to accept intuition, tenderness, and kindness as values. It encourages sensitivity to our natural environment, invites openness in communication, and fosters self-expression in ways which mobilise feelings, imagery, and fantasies.

To explore psychological femininity in further depth, contact us.

To read how psychological femininity relates to women, follow the link below

Psychological Femininity from RedPillWives

Don’t just heal the physical

Following some focused work with a client recently, I felt moved to write about the emotional and psychological challenges that people face after being diagnosed with a health condition or perhaps a major surgery.

I find this comment by a doctor about his experience after he underwent heart surgery relevant:

It’s very important that you don’t just heal up on the physical side. The psychological side is equally important.

Read more about his experience in this British Heart Foundation article.

Social anxiety

“…despite the distress it causes, rates of seeking help for this problem are low.”


“Adolescents who are preferred by their peers may be inclined towards pleasing others and being more aware of how others perceive them. Perhaps they carry this hyper-awareness with them through to adulthood and it eventually becomes problematic.”


Read more about this wide-spread issue in this article.